Wednesday, April 22, 2015


Sometimes I feel like life is like a set of dominoes. It can be good or it can be bad. Just never sure until things land.

Right now at school I am waiting. Waiting for the dominoes to land. See where people end up and make my decision based on how things end up. It might not be the best strategy or even a good one, but I am sticking to it. A lot of my new job depends on those around me. I want to see who those people will be. I want to be with a  team of people who want to work together for the good of kids. It sounds easy, but it isn't always how things work out. Even though we all have good intentions, sometimes we let our own agenda or feelings get in the way. I want to be with people who remind me of the kids. I want people who make time to brainstorm and plan and strategize around what can be improved and how things can be set up for success. I'm done with complainers and nit-pickers.

In my personal life I am also waiting. For a myriad of things. However, the biggest right now is a house. I scour the internet looking for new listings each night. I drive the streets of my town looking for neighborhoods that are close to friends, feel safe, and look well kept. I go with my realtor time after time weighing the pros and the cons. Put in an offer? What kind of offer? What changes would I make? What are my non-negotiables? Will my offer be enough for the seller?

You see, it's all just dominoes-- waiting for the dominoes to land.

 Then I can really plan.

Thursday, April 16, 2015


head nodding
eye drooping
low functioning

slow reacting
head pounding
jammy wearing

clock ignoring
routine altering
life ignoring

hello pillow
hello blankets
hello quiet

hello rest
hello stillness
hello comfort

Good bye tired!

Wednesday, April 15, 2015


It's funny how habits evolve over time. Everyone has different ones. Everyone changes theirs. I am sure if they were studied, people would come up with generalizations or meanings behind them. People could be labeled and compartmentalized because of them. I wonder what mine have said about me over time.

I always lock my car doors. No matter where I am.

When I taught first grade I liked to keep my classroom unlocked. I got annoyed when the custodians would lock it at night. With my new position, I keep my "office" locked every night. There are too many confidential documents to risk.

I used to come home from school, get on the computer and read "Yahoo News". Now I look at real estate websites and weigh pros and cons of price, square footage and neighborhoods.

Every Sunday I talk to my mom. No matter what. Now my sister, mom and I "google chat" so we can all see each other and catch up.

I used to get up and get to school early, making sure I was prepared for the day ahead. Now, I never know what will come at me in the day, so I don't go until closer to start time, but I stay LATE.

I put away laundry and set out my clothes for the next day every Sunday evening. I like to think I am prepared for the week because of it. 

When pulling in to a parking space, I try to always pull in to the right.

I go the same route through the grocery store, no matter how much or how little is on my list.

I wear earrings every day.

Packing my clothes and driving to Ohio to see family are done the same way, every time.

When eating Starburst jelly beans, I always separate them by color and eat the color groups in the same order.

Now that I look back through these habits, I am not sure if they make me more interesting or more boring. Or does it matter?

Tuesday, April 14, 2015


Sometimes you don't know what you want until it's not an option anymore. Then start the "what ifs" and "shoulda's". I keep telling myself that "what's done is done" (another well intentioned cliché), and "it wasn't meant to be". However, my heart is just sad.

I am sure at another point in life I will look back at this time, this feeling, maybe even this very post and think "I had to go through that". Hindsight... I guess it really is 20/20. I am sure it will continue to be.

But for the time being, no matter what my head says, my heart is low. It's pace has been thrown off. My hope is fading.