Sobering

I've spent the day mulling over what should be my topic tonight. I even crafted silly ways to post pictures to go along with my girl-ish notions. On a whim, I painted my fingernails, which I never do. It felt frilly, and silly, and well... girly.

However, reality can hit you even when you are being whimsical. A friend was telling me about his friend who was killed yesterday. The shock of life and death never ceases to astound me. Life. It comes and goes. We all know this in our heads, but the reality stings in the heart.

I had to stop and think. Think about the family and friends. The shock. The bitterness, the resentment, the grief and the sorrow that may come. People are left behind to wonder: Why? What's the reason? The purpose? What now?

I don't know these people who are now grieving, but sadly we all know the gaping hole that can be caused by death.

Sometimes it takes events such as these to remind us: Live life. Don't regret. Say what you feel. Be happy. Take Courage. Love those around you. Capture the moment.

I hope to remember these truths even when I am feeling girly and frilly and silly. Everyday.

A Sledding Slice

Spring fever has started early for me. I am not sure why, but I am already longing for the birds to chirp, the buds on the trees, and the summer months to be rushing toward me. So, the 6 or so inches of snow we got yesterday didn't exactly excite me.

I got home from school today and L shared her idea of going sledding. See, since last summer we have been scheming up a plan to take little j sledding some beautiful winter day. Originally the plan included a snow day where we were free to enjoy a leisurely breakfast, bundle up, and sled for as long as our hearts allowed. Even though it has been an enjoyable winter, this day has never materialized. A two hour delay just isn't enough time for what we had in mind...

So, even though a quick afternoon romp to the park wasn't what was planned, it turned out pretty fun. I even discovered an orphaned pair of snow pants in the closet that I can now claim as my own!

We quickly and haphazardly threw on some sweats and snow clothes, loaded j into the car, and zoomed off to the park. Once we got to the actual snow I realized that I haven't been sledding since... well, I can't actually remember the last time (how sad!).

Nearby was a big hill with plenty of teens and tweens to scare any twenty-something away! So, we opted for the little hill stating that "it would be better for j over here". Soon enough the joy of sledding, making snow angels, and tromping through the dense snow returned to me. Even though I am with kids all day, it was nice to be the kid for a change.

All of this to say, maybe I can wait a little for Spring to come my way...

Brain Dead

The school day is done.

Dinner has been cooked, consumed, and cleaned.

Toys are put away, and the babe is fast asleep.

Master's homework is somewhat completed.

My eyes are burning and yearning for rest.

The brain is aching and begging for relaxation.

To read?

To watch TV?

To sleep?

"LaLa"



I often feel like the luckiest girl in the world. Let me explain...

I have a great life. I love my job (teaching amazing first graders). I love my friends. I love my household. I get to live with two amazing friends: L and J and their little guy, Josiah. Don't get me wrong, when they first told me that they were adopting and that this little guy was going to be born and come home with them, fear washed over me. Now, 18 months later, I can't and wouldn't imagine things any other way.

Today, I opened the door and I hear a little voice shout "LaLa" and come running! He meets me with a toothy grin, arms up, and a puckery kiss. Who wouldn't cherish a greeting like that?

Most mornings he joins me in the bathroom as I get ready for school. He likes to find my brush, comb his hair and fish out all of my bobby-pins, just in case I need them!

At the dinner table, he often smiles a big cheesy smile and then puckers up his lips, begging me to get out of my chair, squat down and kiss him. I do. I can't resist. Many evenings it happens several times in one meal. It's our little game, and I like it.

I know his most ticklish spots. It makes my heart so full to hear his little boy giggle, and watch him writhe with joy and laughter. The squealing is the best.

But there is one moment. The best. It steals my heart every time. I wish I could suspend time. Take a picture. Savor the moment. Never move. Always feel this happy. Josiah loves books. Every day, he picks a book off of the shelf (often, David or Spot books), and brings it to me saying "buh". He hands me the book, turns himself around, and plops himself into my lap. He knows what to do. He knows when to turn the pages, and when to say "no" when we are looking for Spot.

He loves to read. And his Auntie LaLa loves to read with him.

It's moments like that, where I know I am the luckiest girl in the world.



ISFJ

Personalities can be a tricky thing. I mean, it is hard enough to know, appreciate, and monitor your own. For instance, (according to a recent Myers Briggs online test) I am an ISFJ. Some of these qualities have changed since I was in college. Until today, I would have told you that I was a Thinker, not a Feeler. I have always teetered on the line of Extrovert/Introvert as well.

It's just plain complicated. Knowing yourself, how you act, think, feel, function, and live day by day can become quite like a labyrinth.

Then throw another person in the mix: a co-worker, friend, relative, or spouse. Then watch the fireworks fly! If you think knowing yourself is a struggle, try combining knowing yourself with trying to get a handle on the other person! Complete mystery.

Even though it can be a struggle, it is also one of the greatest gifts: knowing yourself and being known by others.

People all across the earth crave this very thing. They want to be known. Truly. Honestly. Genuinely.

"Techy"

I get it. Some people are just not good at technology. It is not intuitive for them. Thankfully I am not one of those people. Don't get me wrong, I am no "techy" but I can hold my own when it comes to new products and navigating myself around.

However...

In the last couple of days I have encountered two separate boulders of technology. I went to open itunes the other day, and realized that they had completely changed the layout and organization of the program! What once was easy and simple is way more complicated than it needs to be! My frustrations were vindicated this morning when L openened her computer to create a new workout playlist and began grunting and huffing about the new itunes. Together we discovered some short cuts, but in the end, we still discussed writing a nasty letter to apple, as if they care.

Secondly, my "home" page on this blogging site lists blogs that I subscribe to and shows previews of their most recent posts. This past summer I subscribed to one on a whim and have regretted it ever since! I have spent too many hours getting frustrated and searching every menu and option to manage my subscriptions. No offense to the lady who is authoring said blog, but I am just not interested anymore!

So, I will use today's slice to beg for assistance from those more "techy" than I... how do I get rid of said subscription? Help...

Keep the Courage

My grandmother died rather unexpectedly in January. She fell the night before New Year's and broke her hip. She had been in a "memory care" facility for the previous 6 months since my grandfather died and our family had moved her from Florida to Ohio. Those 6 months were both glorious and grueling. I am sure many others out there understand what it is to be a caretaker for loved ones. It is exhausting, enfuriating, a blessing, and enlightening. You learn a lot about yourself and how you want to be.

At the end of January my family held a memorial service to honor and remember her. It was intimate, private, and surreal. It was weird to see my mother in this position. It forced the thoughts of... "what about when it's my turn to say goodbye to my parents?" I am still rejecting that one. It is weird to say, but I was proud of my mom. She organized the service, picked out flowers, arranged a gift for the grandchildren, scheduled a friend to sing and play music, and had a friend of the family share The Word. She paid attention to detail, and found what would have suited her mother.

During the service the grandchildren were given the opportunity to share memories or stories of times with grandma. I learned new things about her, like she was once a fitness instructor and was asked to be filmed in a television commercial to promote the new gym. She was a bank teller for many years and was held up at gun point several times but still loved her job! Other stories made us laugh: she used to score our dives off of the diving board, liked to play practical jokes, and was often seen with a cigarrette in one hand and a glass of chocolate milk in another...

I feel lucky. As a child of working parents, I got to spend several summers with my grandma. We would play cards, watch old movies, and go to the pool. It was mentioned in her service several times that she was afraid of heights- but would go on roller coasters with her grandchildren and fly in planes. She was afraid to swim- but loved to take her grandchildren to a pool or lake. As I was listening to the stories and memories of her, it struck me: Courage. She had so much of it.

During our summers together, we would often go to the pool. One year, she even let me attempt to teach her to swim! She must have seen the teacher in me, even then.

Again, it pressed on me harder: Courage. She didn't let her fears stop her. She rode roller coasters, flew in airplanes, went on cruises, swam with her grandchildren. The list probably goes on. All this time, a model of courage was in front of me. I hadn't stopped to realize, learn, appreciate.

I am grateful for the chance now. She may not be with me, but I can take her spirit and her example forward. It can guide me, inspire me, and encourage me.

I don't have to be afraid of that change. The new relationship doesn't have to paralyze me with fear. I don't need to worry about what job I will have in the future, or where I will live.

Board the coaster. Plug your nose and get in. Take Courage. Keep the Courage.

(Alice Rae Whitehead and Lawrence Paul Whitehead)